So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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