I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
