so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
