so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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