Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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