I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
