She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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