wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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