Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
