I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
