my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
