chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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