im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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