We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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