i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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