Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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