I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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