I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
