Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
