dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
