Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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