It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
