yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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