I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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