Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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