David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
