But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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