he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
