with your own penis?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
