careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
did i just pee glitter
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
