I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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