She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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