this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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