My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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