You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
