Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
