last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
