my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
