his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
