I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
