so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
