Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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