id be glad to
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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