You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
