That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
