I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
