WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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