What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
