She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
