New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't turn off my feet"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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