Don't make out with my wife yet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
