I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
