i permit you to call me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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