We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
