man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
