4 words: hood of his car
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
