Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
