What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
