I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
