I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just blew my weed a kiss
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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