If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
