I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
