I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
