There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
